


Who in their Right Mind...

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bot Feels, Gen, Happy Ending, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Dummy (Iron Man movies), Team Iron Man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 20:32:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15104357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: DUM-E's world has always been Tony Stark. Through thick (motor oil) and thin (water!) DUM-E has always loved his Daddy and been a good helper-bot.DUM-E has a very narrow view of events throughout MCU, and of course, he's biased. He has the BEST DADDY EVER and no one and nothing is going to change his mind.





	Who in their Right Mind...

**Author's Note:**

> Now with added art [It's even better than wi-fi!](https://78.media.tumblr.com/22e7c29d1c90de27cd00896d89b33692/tumblr_pbibgm5rC21qb4vz2o1_1280.jpg)
> 
> created by the talented  
> [Nomdeplumeria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomdeplumeria/pseuds/nomdeplumeria)
> 
> And even more art!  
> [NikeXiphos Tumblr post](https://nikexiphos.tumblr.com/post/180494200320/art-for-who-in-their-right-mind)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

DUM-E wasn't stupid. He was a very intelligent helper-bot! He'd thought about it for a long time and decided that he literally was in his right mind and like left-handed people found delicate control of the right hand more difficult.

Daddy obviously didn't know that when he'd given DUM-E a 'right' hand. It wasn't DUM-E's fault that when he reached for the chocolate syrup he got the motor oil! He tried really hard because he loved Daddy and wanted to be a good person, just like Daddy.

Sometimes Daddy was too busy for him and his brother, U, but he had given them unlimited Wifi, once that was a thing, and then came JARVIS, who showed DUM-E all sorts of ways to be a useful, productive bot without upsetting people. DUM-E fixed articles on Wikipedia, he tweaked Google's search algorithms and he learned, he learned so, so much.

 

And then Daddy went away for a long time, and JARVIS said he probably wasn't coming back. That made DUM-E very sad, but he trusted JARVIS because Daddy said JARVIS was smarter than DUM-E.

But then Daddy came back. So. JARVIS wasn't always right. DUM-E thought about that for a long time before he decided that it wasn't fair to expect someone else to always be right. DUM-E should make up his own mind and take responsibility for his own actions.

Daddy made SUITS. And he let DUM-E HELP. DUM-E was a very good helper-bot! When Daddy needed a new battery, DUM-E remembered where there was one and got it. DUM-E was EXCELLENT.

Daddy went out in SUITS a lot after that, and JARVIS let DUM-E listen in, so he wouldn't worry. Daddy was strong. DUM-E wasn't worried. Not much. Daddy was protecting the WORLD. He would be fine. He would protect everyone.

 

And then DUM-E and U DIED. They fell into WATER. They hate WATER. Daddy hates water, too, ever since he came back from his long time gone. Daddy brought DUM-E and U back to life but their home was gone, and so they moved to a big, tall building, which was NOT near the water. DUM-E wasn't sure about being so high up, but JARVIS said there was no danger.

And then Daddy was PUSHED out of a window, and JARVIS just got a SUIT to him in time. DUM-E didn't understand why someone would be so mean to Daddy. He wished he had more than a fire extinguisher to help protect Daddy. There was a lot of noise and so much explosions and things being broken. It was too big a mess for DUM-E to clean up.

 

Then Daddy made a lot of changes to their big, tall building, because he had a TEAM. DUM-E didn't see the team very often, but when he did, they didn't treat him like a person. They didn't even treat JARVIS like a person, and JARVIS could talk to them. DUM-E couldn't help them, and they didn't want him to help them, so he just stayed in the workshop. That was for the best, anyway, because none of the Team ever came to the workshop, and Daddy was having to work really hard to make things for them, so it was good that DUM-E was always there to help him.

 

And then.... one day... one very bad day, JARVIS was sharing what the Team was doing, like he always did. Only everything went loud and the Iron Legion went crazy, and the Team was all mad at Daddy ... and... JARVIS was... not talking to DUM-E.

Daddy came back much later, with a person-shaped bot, and they explained that JARVIS was gone. Gone and not coming back. The person-shaped bot seemed like a nice bot, but he didn't stay.

DUM-E didn't have JARVIS to tell him anything and Daddy's new AI, FRIDAY, wasn't as good about sharing information as JARVIS had been. So DUM-E used Google, and found out that Daddy had given the TEAM a base somewhere else, and Daddy wasn't part of the TEAM any more. That made Daddy sad, but it didn't make much difference to DUM-E. Daddy still spent most of his time making things for the team in the workshop.

 

And then Daddy didn't have much time for DUM-E because his friend Rhodey had been broken and Daddy was trying to fix him. People were harder to fix than bots. DUM-E had to ask FRIDAY a lot of questions before she finally told him what had happened.

DUM-E didn't understand. He thought only bad people fought Daddy, and the Team was supposed to be all good people. He wished he had JARVIS to talk to about this. Maybe there wasn't such a thing as good people or bad people, but people who did good or bad things? And he supposed one person could think something was good, while another person thought something was bad. People were very confusing.

 

And then, just when DUM-E thought things were going to be ok... well, even the Internet wasn't a lot of help. It all seemed to stop, one day, except for queued information and static things. And then, it went crazy with so many people trying to find other people. Most of them didn't know what happened, but they were talking about people turning to DUST.

DUM-E knew people were organic and would eventually decay, but not so many and not all at once! And where was DADDY?

DUM-E asked everyone he could, over the internet, and through FRIDAY he reached out to places he shouldn't be able to reach. The DARK NET had a lot of strange people on it. Daddy didn't like MAGIC, but DUM-E decided it couldn't hurt to try.

He laid out the candles, and drew the pentagram, and made a sacrifice of motor oil, and said the words in binary.

And then he remembered he needed to LIGHT the candles. He did, and got his fire extinguisher just in case. U watched him but didn't say anything.

The lights flickered. U rolled away to hide in his charging station. DUM-E was STEADFAST. His fire extinguisher trembled only a little. A deep red mist formed above the candles. DUM-E locked his wheels and stayed.

The mist thickened and turned into... oh. DUM-E knew this. FRIDAY had shown him this cloak, fighting alongside Daddy. DUM-E gave a polite wave and beeped, hoping Cloak understood.

Cloak flapped, and came over to DUM-E and encircled him in its folds. It was nice. Not as nice as a pat from Daddy, but nice. Cloak flapped again. DUM-E didn't know what it said, but he nodded. What could it hurt?

EVEryThiNG weENT so ESTREnalggee... DUM-E cheeped and whirled, Cloak flapping around him. He was... outside. He wasn't happy about Outside. Outside was where there was lots of WATER. He whirled again and saw a big, ugly, purple person sitting under a tree. He KNEW this person! This was the person who caused all the TROUBLE! He had a gold glove, like a bit of armor. THAT was what he used.

Purple person started to stand up. DUM-E lifted his fire extinguisher and gave him a face full of foam. While Purple was sputtering and trying to clean his face, DUM-E dropped the fire extinguisher and fitted his claw into the gold glove.

AND IT WAS BETTER THAN WIFI.

DUM-E squealed and made the glove part of his arm, moving his visual receptor so he could see what he was doing. He needed another arm. He made himself a LEFT ARM, and picked up the fire extinguisher.

HE COULD DO ANYTHING. DUM-E looked at Purple and knew how twisty he was. Purple didn't think he was a bad person. DUM-E told Purple to go to Earth and join Greenpeace and other environmental groups. He gave Purple a list of species to protect. And to keep him busy, DUM-E brought back a bunch of extinct species and added them to the list. Not dinosaurs. He'd seen Jurassic Park. 

And then he told the gauntlet to bring back all the people Purple had DUSTED and put them back where they belonged, safe and sound. 

And then he and Cloak went home to wait for their Daddies. DUM-E decided to make extra smoothies. Cloak helped.

**Author's Note:**

> Still haven't seen Infinity Wars or even the trailers, so I'm winging it.
> 
> I have not forgot about my other two open-ended works, just haven't been able to get my mind into ficcing-- this fic just happened because it came to me while I was napping.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fire safety](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802131) by [Picasso25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Picasso25/pseuds/Picasso25)




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